How Do I Become Loving

Question

Over the last many years, I asked myself what sort of a person I would love to become. Always the answer as to the kind of person that I aspire to become has been the same one, every time I asked. And that was: I want to become someone who Loves. Plain and simple as that. I want to become someone who Loves. How may I go about this journey to become someone who Loves Tim? I am willing to learn, read, study, and do whatever it takes to become such a person. It’s one of my life’s greatest dreams and desires.

Answer

“If you want to be someone who loves, then be loving. What special training or study would you have to do to become loving? There is no magic bullet. Allow your actions, words, and deeds to be loving. And when they are not, be aware of that and make amends and then do better next time. This is the only true path.

Start by loving yourself as you are now, not how you want to be or think you should be. If you cannot do that, how can you be loving to others? How can you love them as they are?”

Seeing the Truth Through Awareness

When faced with something in your life that you do not like, rather than immediately resisting, take pause and rest assured that whatever is happening is happening for you and not against you. I understand that you may feel that it is wrong and that it should not be happening. However, you may not have taken time to see or feel anything other than your egos dislike for it and immediately rebelled. When we sit in resistance to the present moment, it is impossible to stand in awareness, and without awareness, it is impossible to see the truth.

You may have already experienced this in your life, perhaps many times. Where you resisted an experience, and then one day after the fact, you looked through the eyes awareness and saw the positive effect it had on you. However, at the time, this was not possible because you were too busy battling with what was taking place.

The level of awareness required to see the truth was there all along but not available until you let go of your resistance. Once you did, you fell back into peace again, or a more comfortable space, albeit for some, this is very short-lived, lasting only until the next event.

Pause, find connection and choose peace rather than harm when you feel overwhelmed in the crashing ocean of life. – Cuong Lu

The harm we cause can be towards others or ourselves and levied through thought and deed. Unfortunately, most of the time, this harm is toward ourselves. However, it is always due to a lack of awareness.

If we are aware, we can notice it in the moment, and if not, we may still be fortunate enough to see it after some time passes. However, on too many occasions, it goes unnoticed, which can cause problems for us, either emotionally, physically, or both. Not to mention the consequences it can have on our relationships with others.

The impact on our personal lives can happen immediately, or multiple events can build on each other, leading to a very uncomfortable body, illness, sleep problems, emotional issues, or other disorders. For example, have you ever been upset with someone and gotten a headache or became sick to your stomach? Maybe you think this is no big deal, or you believe that this is just how you are because it has been happening for years. If it happens repeatedly, it could be missed as the underlying cause of your health issue or emotional state since it seems normal to you.

There are many ways to deepen your awareness. Therefore, I will not go to great lengths in this post. However, like a muscle, regular use will make it stronger. A good starting point is to pay closer attention to your thoughts and your actions. Are they unkind at times? Are you easily distracted when you try to pay attention to your thoughts? What does your mind say to you when you try to pay attention? How does your body feel when you are upset or try to pay closer attention to your thoughts? Have you ever noticed? Or is it hard to do anything else but feel your body during these experiences?

Please keep it simple to start with and allow grace to guide you. Do not solely rely on your intellect and knowledge for this guidance because for many, it keeps them stuck in mind. Know that intention gives awareness direction and is the spark. Therefore, make a clear and unbending intention to deepen your awareness, and you cannot fail. Failure is impossible unless you begin to believe what the mind is telling you without awareness. And remember to reach out for support if you need it. That is not a sign of weakness but a higher level of awareness.

Thinking, Feelings, and Finding Peace

Much of your life is spent thinking; even when you wish it would stop, it doesn’t, does it? We tend to think about how we feel too, which, of course, is not feeling at all — it’s thinking.

Through thought, our mind tells us that it is too uncomfortable to feel our feelings. We then get caught in a loop of thought about how painful we feel without ever really exploring our feelings. We can even have body sensations that confirm our thoughts about it. This tendency of the mind leads us down an exhaustive path of pain and suffering.

The truth is we must begin to notice this ploy of the mind to break free of it and then feel our feelings fully. However uncomfortable that may be—resisting them leads to a much lengthier healing process and an increased level of suffering.

Feelings are energy, and as such, they must keep flowing. Resisting them means we hold onto them, and the energy gets stuck in our body, which can cause physical pain and even illness.

Recognizing this truth or knowing it on an intellectual level is not enough; you must have a direct experience to embody this truth. We often end up stopping short on the spiritual path and in life of realizing this because the mind tells us that we know it already, whatever it is. Then we get distracted by thought again and sent down another path without ever having a direct experience. The mind has endless offers to distract us, and many of us can spend our whole life seeking and not finding. How many years or decades have you been looking?

Therefore, the next time you find yourself suffering, notice if you are in your head and having a conversation with yourself. Bring your attention down to your chest, the heart area, and notice that your thoughts begin to slow down. Then focus even more attention there and begin to feel your feelings. They literally are your friend and not something to fear. Know that the mind will try to stop you through thought, physical sensation, and intensity.

Be with your feelings, let whatever needs to arise, and let the energy flow again—knowing that you are entirely safe. Some of you may feel the energy flowing along with the emotion, and some may not. Either way is perfect. Do not let the mind come in and question whether you are doing it right or not; it is just another distraction. Keep your attention in the chest. If you are guided by the feeling to another part of the body, follow it. Just stay with your feelings and keep breathing. If it feels too overwhelming, you have the power to slow it down or stop it at any time.

The mind may tell you otherwise, but I can assure you this is the most loving thing you can do for yourself and your body. You are the only one who can offer yourself this kind of unconditional love. We have all felt someone’s love for us being taken away before because it was not unconditional. However, once you feel this kind of self-love, you will know it can never be taken away by anyone. Therefore, do not be afraid to feel your feelings because what is often disguised as pain can blossom into something beautiful if you let it.

Waking Up to Bias

“When we rely only on our knowledge and intellect for our view of life, we often fall short of seeing the truth. From this place, it is easy to only see the world, albeit unintentionally, through a biased lens. The mind then supports this bias through thought, and it replays these thoughts repeatedly until they become our truth. We then fight for what we believe to be right without seeing this bias. The mind convinces us we are fighting for truth; we are fighting for what is right.”

Thought and Awareness

Remember that awareness is not just about noticing what is going on around you but also what is going on within you. The mind will use thought to distract you and tell you that something more important is going on out there. What is essential to uncover is not what is happening out there but what arises within you. We must notice how our thoughts guide us unconsciously. The only way to do this is through awareness. Remember that Grace supports us always, so there is nothing to fear. If you want to be free from worry, stress, and anxiety, use awareness more consciously.

Please test this out for yourself and pay attention to your thoughts throughout the day as often as possible. Do not let your mind tell you otherwise until you try it.

Notice when you get lost in thought and how the mind distracts you repeatedly. As you exercise your awareness muscle, it will become more robust, and through this newfound strength, we anchor more into the present moment.

Beliefs

“We see space as what separates us from everyone and everything. But what if space is what holds everything together; what if it connects everything.

Know that sometimes what we believe to be true is not the truth at all. What is true is that if we never question our beliefs, then our misguiding beliefs are sure to create pain and suffering in our lives. So whether you believe that space is what separates us or connects us, we must begin to question our beliefs. Inquiry at this level always leads to a greater understanding of who we are and the world around us—bringing more peace and comfort into our lives and those lives that we touch.”

The Truth

“The truth resides in the heart of the soul, not the desires of the ego. Therefore, there will always be dissenting opinions and conspiracy theories because of this mistaken identification with the ego’s desires.”

Mind Attacks

Think of a time when your mind attacked you. A time when something happened, and you could not stop thinking about it. Even though you wanted to, let it go. You know what this is like, the sleepless nights and the relentless pounding of thought, sometimes for days or weeks, mulling over something that does not deserve this attention.

Know that as real as that attack feels, it is only in your mind. Even if a problem exists in your life or the world, that does not mean your state must change.

What about when you hear a thought that says what you just did was stupid, you look fat, or some other negative or unpleasant thought? Are these kinds of thoughts one-hundred percent true, or are they often misleading or outright lies? Do you identify with them without question, even when there is corroborating evidence to the contrary? Do you continue to have an ongoing conversation with your mind that leads back to the inevitable conclusion that the mind was right in the first place? How does this make you feel? Even if the mind is right, do you need to feel bad, frustrated, worried, or upset?

Now I am not talking about ignoring problems, feelings, or thoughts that need your attention. I want you to see that you do not have to identify with every thought and feeling that arises. Accepting them without question can lead to trouble. You do not have to allow any thought or feeling to disturb your state. If it does, it is because you allowed whatever arose in your mind, accurate or not, to control or influence your state. Should your mind be able to do this without your awareness? Of course, not!

What can you do about it? First, let me say that since you found this post, I know you were guided here by grace, and you are ready even if it does not feel that way to you right now. Therefore, do not let your mind talk you out of it.

Second, the fact that you read this far down tells me that you relate with these words.

Finally, the mind is cunning so pay attention to what it is saying to you. Let observing and questioning your thoughts become a part of your life like breathing, automatic. Doing this will make it harder for the mind to distract you through frustration or convince you that you cannot do it. You must be willing not to give up. I can assure you that it will repeatedly try to get you to stop. You must be vigilant and patient. After years of habitually accepting what you hear from the mind, it will not always be easy, even if the process is simple to do. It is essential not to let the mind pressure you. Do not put a time limit, conditions, or any other signal that you are making progress or not making progress.

Do not believe any unsolicited thought from the mind. Remember to observe and question your thoughts as best you can; when you can. When you forget, then begin again, without judgment, without self-punishment.

Pay attention to what you are saying to yourself? Are these thoughts making you feel better or worse? Do they help you resolve the issue or perpetuate your uncomfortable feelings? It will only be through this careful observation that you can awaken to this silent opposition. Over time, you will be able to let go of its false guidance. Pay attention and trust that this will unfold naturally without any unique practice or event needed to happen. Just observe, keep it simple and relax. We tend to forget that what we are seeking is already here. A mind attack cannot be successful without your full participation. If you do not link to or identify with a thought or feeling, they have no power. Therefore, have some fun with this and try it. Discover for yourself the power in observing your thoughts and feelings. Let me know what happens or any questions you might have.

The Harmony of Life

Life functions in harmony because of its ability to adapt to changing conditions. Therefore, our true nature is always in harmony; it is our natural rhythm. If you are not in harmony with life, it is not because of anything external. Of course, the mind will lay the blame there, but this is just a lie, a distraction from the truth.

Harmony is the natural state of our true nature. This is unlike the life of personhood, where our conditioning, what we perceive, our ideas, concepts, beliefs, etc. often cause us trouble. However, the mind places the blame for our suffering toward outside sources. It is their fault. I would be just fine if I had more money, the job, or the relationship I want. I will be happy if my candidate wins or if only my party could rule the country, everything would be perfect. What in your life would be perfect if, fill in the blank? Would it? Can you say that with one-hundred percent certainty? Haven’t you already tried to find happiness through this method? It may work temporarily, but it never lasts.       

Throughout the day, we find ourselves caught in conversation with our minds. These conversations can lead us right back to suffering again. A story is constructed through this conversation that creates fear, stress, worry, anxiety, and other unsettling feelings for us. At least the us that we perceive ourselves to be.

On the other hand, our true nature, the field of creation, from which all things in life manifest, is not disturbed by anything. It is when things become personal that our harmony is disturbed. By personal, I mean that we identify with things; we link to them or become attached. The question is, do things always have to become personal? Do we have to remain attached to everything in our lives to appreciate and experience them fully?

How can these things not be personal? I am me; I am this person, aren’t I. Could there be more to me than I am remembering? Have you ever questioned this? Have you ever questioned who you are? Many people do not, yet there is a deep knowing that there is more to me than just what I see in the mirror.

We believe that I am only this body, feelings, sensations, etc., but is this the whole truth? Or could it be that we are conditioned only to see ourselves as the body? Even as you read this, isn’t there something that knows there is more to it than that? More to you than just the body? Something stable that does not come and go as all things do in this life of personhood? This is what I am calling your real or true nature.

Passages point to our oneness in all spiritual writing, no matter the religion. For example, this passage from Romans 12:5, so we, being many, are one body in Christ; and every one member one of another. There are many passages in the bible and other spiritual texts saying the same thing in different ways.

Your true nature, as I said before, is always in harmony. This is not a place you go to or that you must find. You cannot lose it either—no more than you can lose the blue sky. Yes, the blue sky can become clouded over, but is it gone? No, of course not. Anyone who has flown on a plane and experienced taking off on a cloudy day has flown above the clouds to see the blue sky again. Like clouds, your thoughts can only hide your true nature. It is always there like the blue sky. It does not come and go as everything else in personhood does.

If you are not feeling in harmony with life, it is because the mind catches you. You think or believe something that makes you feel disconnected from your true nature, but this is not valid.

We have such a strong identification with personhood that we become impacted by other people, things, and experiences in the world that do not support our highest good. But this does not have to happen. Identification is a choice, and you can build the choice muscle up by observing your thoughts and recognizing that many, if not all, of your unsolicited thoughts are not valid. We can trust that life will unfold the way it needs to. Without judgment, we can remain present with our true nature and rest in the harmony of life.

Driving the Mind

Before you learn to drive a car, you take driving lessons. You learn the car’s ins and outs, and you practice driving. You do this before you go and take the test to get your license. But there is no course on how the mind works in our everyday life. When I went to high school, we had a driver’s ed class, but there was no class on how the mind impacts our daily life, no mind ed class. Yes, we might have learned the science of how it works, but not the practical ways it impacts our everyday life. A class like that would have helped me immensely and would have been life-changing. I would imagine it would help everyone to some degree, and for others like me, it would be life-changing.

How many of you have learned to drive your mind? What do I mean by drive your mind? I mean, how many of you have taken the time to learn the ins and outs of your mind, like you did that first car?

Are you driving the mind, or is it driving you?

How much attention do you pay to your thoughts and what they say to you throughout the day? Do you just get picked up by one and then driven to a destination that takes you out of your way? This happens to most people multiple times a day; we are driven around by our minds. It takes us where it wants to go, which may not be where we want to go. Do you know it is possible to get back in the driver’s seat to control where you always go and not get lost again?

It may seem impossible to some of you, I know, because I have been chauffeured around by my mind too. Even after you start driving yourself again, in the beginning, it can be easy to get distracted by the mind and then end up being chauffeured around again. It is much easier to be chauffeured because it takes focused attention to drive yourself. Have you ever been driving your car and driven past your exit or turn because the mind took over? Or have you ever arrived home and not remembered the drive along the way because you were lost in unnecessary thought?

Well, you do not have to be in a car for this to happen. No single person is reading this right now that has not experienced being caught by unwanted thoughts. We have spent years, maybe decades identifying with unsolicited thoughts and being chauffeured around and distracted by these pointless thoughts.

I am here to tell you that you have a choice, but it will only change if you want it to, and that is entirely up to you. You can have greater freedom, or you can continue to suffer.

It begins by using your awareness to wake up to how the mind works. We can watch and pay attention to what it says to us. Please make no mistake; it is sending you unsolicited thoughts, distracting you, disturbing your peace all the time. Maybe even right now, while you are trying to read this, it might be telling you something that is not true. As you begin to pay attention to this, you will be astonished at how misleading it is. . Naturally, this can feel uncomfortable, and of course, the mind will be right there to support this idea so that you stop.

Make the correct choice not to listen to it and get back in the driver seat. You can do it!