Bad Things

How Do I Become Loving

Question

Over the last many years, I asked myself what sort of a person I would love to become. Always the answer as to the kind of person that I aspire to become has been the same one, every time I asked. And that was: I want to become someone who Loves. Plain and simple as that. I want to become someone who Loves. How may I go about this journey to become someone who Loves Tim? I am willing to learn, read, study, and do whatever it takes to become such a person. It’s one of my life’s greatest dreams and desires.

Answer

“If you want to be someone who loves, then be loving. What special training or study would you have to do to become loving? There is no magic bullet. Allow your actions, words, and deeds to be loving. And when they are not, be aware of that and make amends and then do better next time. This is the only true path.

Start by loving yourself as you are now, not how you want to be or think you should be. If you cannot do that, how can you be loving to others? How can you love them as they are?”

Right Vision Comes in the Gap

If there is breath in the body, a fresh viewpoint is always available. Right or clear vision happens in the gap. The gap is devoid of beliefs, concepts, judgments, conditioning, and thought. What feeds all of these and our troubles in life is identifying with the endless flow of unsolicited thoughts we have every day.

Experiencing the gap is simple but often misunderstood or thought to be hard, impossible, or only for a few. Which is funny because what causes us to misunderstand or think it is hard, impossible, or only for a few is the very same mind that is causing our problems in the first place. Therefore, experiencing the gap is not the problem. The problem is the thought that says you cannot experience it or that you do not know how to do it. Once you identify with a thought that says you cannot do it, it becomes impossible until that thought is no longer believed. The mind will do what it must to keep you distracted and reinforce the impression that it is impossible. Seeing this becomes very clear in the gap.

We put our complete trust into something that misleads us all the time, our mind. We do this by identifying with whatever arises in it. Once we do, there is no opportunity for discernment or to question the information’s validity. When we slow the mind down, even a little bit, it creates some space to begin to question what it is telling us and to see that most, if not all, is false.

How do you begin to slow the mind down? By questioning what arises in it, which guides you into the gap. Can it be that simple? Yes, it can. But it does come with some challenges for many of us. We have developed a robust habit of identifying with our thoughts without question. And now, this habit is anchored in place after many years or decades of reinforcement.

Once we begin to see how incredibly untrue our thoughts can be, it can be unsettling at first. However, do not let this discourage you; it means you are onto something. So instead, let it motivate you and propel you forward. Continue questioning your thoughts as often as you can. Begin to question who you are. Are you the body, your feelings, your thoughts, or your personality? Are you something more significant than just those things? What is your true nature, your true self, do you know? Have you had direct experience with it?

Your true self or true nature refers to the aspect of your being that is entirely aware of its expanded nature no matter what you may be experiencing in your life of personhood. The gap I am speaking about is your expanded nature. It is stable and not bound by time. Our personal lives, the psychological self, on the other hand, is bound by time, and it is the one that experiences problems and suffers.

Now you may find what I just said hard to believe, but of course, that is just a thought. Is it based in fact or an assumption? Notice that thought can be observed.

We have all experienced our real nature or true self. In truth, everyone has experienced timelessness. Think of an experience where you lost track of time. Perhaps you were watching a sunset or enjoying the company of a friend; I am sure you can remember an experience like this where time ceased to exist or flew by. You were not distracted by thought during this time, but instead, you experienced oneness or presence.

Please verify what I am saying for yourself by beginning to watch your thoughts. See them slow down and notice how this affects your state of being. Perhaps you will feel more peace or joy, pay attention, and see what is different. As you practice, you will find at some point that you have dropped into the gap. The mind is no longer your master but has become your slave. Now it can be used when needed and no longer has the power to interfere with your life in the same way. It can only disturb you when you give it the ability to do so by identifying with what it has presented to you through your thoughts without question.

Be Out of Your Mind

When you hear the phrase, you are out of your mind; it means that you do not deal with things properly or behave normally. It could also mean that you are stupid or even mentally ill.

However, there is a way to be out of your mind, that is a good thing, let me explain. We often become victims of the mind and the thoughts that originate from it every day. The thoughts I am talking about are not consciously brought forth, but arise completely unsolicited. When you identify with them, they impact your choices, actions, and yes, even your feelings, this can all happen without your awareness.

Once you become aware of these thoughts, you can regain command over your choices and actions, including how you experience your feelings. Especially those feelings that are not based on truth but that are stirred up by these kinds of thoughts. You will notice that these thoughts are usually not for our highest good. You do not need to fall prey to these kinds of unhelpful and hurtful thoughts, but that will only happen when you wake up to them.

We have thousands of thoughts per day. How many do you remember? Do you consciously decide to act upon every one of them or just some? Do you ever act on ones that you are not aware of; I can assure you that you do.

How many times have you chosen to eat something bad for you or overeaten and then regretted it? Was the initial thought to do this a conscious decision, or did an unsolicited thought appear, I want that now. You then identified with it and acted upon it, all without consciously thinking it through to the logical conclusion that it will be bad for you if you do it.

What I just said is very important. Please verify this by paying attention to your thoughts throughout the day. Do not just confirm an existing belief without verification or create a new one that is not based on having a direct experience; you must verify what I am saying is true. Otherwise, what you think is right might not be true at all.

When we are out of our minds in this way, then the usual meaning of being out of your mind is not how other people see you. They will feel or notice that you are different. They will resonate with the peace that you are vibrating because it is an expression of your authentic self, your real nature, and their true nature as well. You will stop listening to your unsolicited thoughts, they will become unimportant rather than all-powerful, and you will be able to respond appropriately in situations and not react inappropriately.

Once you stop identifying with these thoughts, you reconnect with your heart as you drop down from your mind or headspace. Your mind will immediately connect with what I said, to the physical heart in your chest; however, I am talking about connecting to consciousness, the heart of creation. The heart in your body may be used as a reminder or an anchor of this when your mind is restless. A restless mind is called a monkey mind in Buddhism. If you are experiencing monkey mind, then place your hand on your chest and rest your attention there. Where your attention goes, your energy will follow. The heart of consciousness that I am speaking about said another way is the heart of creation. I am pointing to who you truly are, your real nature, your authentic self—the unchanging truth.

The unchanging truth is the part of you that is not born and does not die. In other words, it does not come and go as everything will in your life of personhood. Every thought, every experience, every physical body, and everything in this life is not stable; it comes and goes. However, something always remains, and that is the unchanging truth of who we are. The unchanging truth has everything to do with personhood and nothing at all.

If you do not understand what I just said, it could be because you identified with a thought that said, I do not understand, notice that this thought was observed. You are observing from your true nature, spirt, or consciousness. Question it, is it right, or do you feel something deep inside your soul that knows differently? You would not be reading this post if you were not searching for something that does not need to be searched for, only remembered. This recognition will come without a struggle if you begin to bring more attention to your thoughts and notice the unsolicited ones. This is a simple process, so do not let your mind complicate it. However, it is not always easy to break the powerful habit of identification with these kinds of thoughts. Only those who hear the call will answer. Any attempt to avoid this call will only extend your unneeded suffering. Therefore, I encourage you to step up and answer it by starting to pay even more attention to your thoughts. If you did not understand what I just said it could be because you identified with a thought that arose, perhaps it said, I do not understand, notice that that thought was observed. You are observing from your true nature, spirt, or consciousness. Question it, is it true or do you feel something deep inside your soul that knows differently. You would not be reading this post if you were not searching for something that does not need to be searched for, only remembered. That will come without struggle if you begin to bring more attention to your thoughts and notice the unsolicited thoughts that are not for your highest good. This is simple so do not let your mind complicate it. It is simple but it is not always easy to break the strong habit of identification. Only those who hear the call will answer.

In the Beginning

Start to pay attention by using your capacity of awareness and notice if you are being led astray by spontaneous and untrue thoughts. Begin to question your thoughts. For example, ask yourself, is this thought true, or am I one-hundred percent sure that this will happen.

Know that everyone who begins on the path of self-discovery, self-inquiry, or the spiritual path, meets resistance from within through their thoughts, emotions, and physical body.

Sometimes this resistance is very subtle, and it requires focused attention to notice its trickery. It is in these subtle yet significant moments that we make a choice. Sometimes this choice is conscious, and sometimes it is not. However, with awareness, we watch. The space that we observe from let’s call it the observer position, for now, feels outside the body/mind.

From this position, we can observe our conscious decisions and see how they unfold. Even when choices are made out of habit, or they arise unconsciously, they can be seen by focusing our attention in awareness. Once seen, conditioning can dissolve, and habitual patterns can fall away.

You have experienced this watching before, we all have, and you may be doing it right now as thoughts come up about what I am saying. On the other hand, you may have noticed it when sitting quietly or out in nature. You discover how endless the stream of thoughts are and watch as they come and go.

It is paramount that you have direct experience of this because it is through direct experience that we open the door to making an essential shift. Otherwise, we will continue along in life living from our conditioning and habits, and never getting the chance to experience true freedom.

Instead, the subtle and dramatic deceptions of the mind and the thoughts that arise from it will keep us stuck. Stuck in a world of falsehood, and all the while, we will believe everything that crosses it to be completely accurate. To follow blindly will only lead to endless worry, fear, anger, and great suffering. Perhaps you already experience this in life. I am here to tell you there is another way, one that leads to greater peace and stability.

Connection

Life is not about being correct; it is about being connected. Too often in life, we choose to fight to be right over connecting, being in the moment and listening. This causes separation and creates an environment of discord. We can no longer hear what someone else says because we are too busy formulating our response and being right. It is my way or the highway!

Love, understanding, compassion, and empathy only show up when we feel connected with someone, and the oneness of all things. If we only see our differences, we will never be able to find the middle ground or any lasting peace. We will forever remain in a state of anxiety, upset, anger and worry.

Therefore, we can always be right, or we can let go of our rigid thinking and be open to experiencing our true nature instead of who we have become, a conditioned, inflexible thinking human. We must find our way back to connection, awaken to our oneness and begin living in the present moment.

If you feel anxious, lost or live in worry and pain, then you are being called to begin this journey. Do not ignore the signs because it is your time to awaken. Let go of your resistance and the fight to be right and step on the path to self-discovery. It is here that you will find your way back to your true nature, find peace and a connection to something greater than yourself.

How is it…?

How is it that we always have enough money to go to war, buy weapons, bail out the banks, but we cannot find a way to feed, clothe and house the homeless?

So many politicians, including those who run for President, say they are Christian yet how is this behavior Christian? How does it even make sense to so many people? Are they just ignoring it, not seeing it or too focused on their own life to notice it?

Those of you who do see it, are you speaking out, taking action or have you become numb to this insane behavior.

It seems if we have an endless amount of money to kill and destroy, that we ought to be able to find the money to help the sick, the homeless and those in need. I believe this to be the logical and moral thing to do, the Christian or human thing to do. What do you think?

One Small Step Toward Awakening

Actions do speak louder than words. Do your actions match your thoughts about yourself and the words you use to tell others about who you are? If not, then take a closer look at your thoughts that go unnoticed throughout the day by bringing awareness to them. Pay attention to your actions and see if your desires are in alignment with those actions. This will automatically begin the process of letting go and is a sure sign of awakening.

Awareness

“With awareness, we awaken to cure what is not meant to be endured and endure what cannot be cured, and from this place, we live in the moment, where suffering is optional.”

Through the Eyes of Another

When we are unable to see the world through the eyes of another, we are empty of empathy. We become cold to the suffering of others and we ignore their feelings. We make excuses as to why their feelings or circumstances are not valid. We may even insinuate that it is their fault for their circumstances.

Have you seen this kind of behavior from someone or even our politicians, world leaders or other authoritative people? Are you awake enough to know that you have also acted this way sometimes during your life? Are you able to see the world through the eyes of another now?

How would you answer the next few questions?

  • Can you understand why the alcoholic cannot stop drinking? (if you are not an alcoholic)
  • If you are straight, can you understand being lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender or non-gender specific, or a crossdresser?
  • Does every White American understand why a statue of General Lee upsets African Americans? Do you?

There are many examples like these, and you may understand one and not be able to comprehend another. The point is, are you willing to listen? Are you willing to try and understand? Are you willing to see someone else’s suffering and validate their truth even if you do not understand?

When we see through our conditioned eyes, we cannot see the conditioning. This conditioning also forms our current beliefs. I say current because beliefs can change with experience and with awakening to the truth. When we see the truth, our conditioning disappears.

Too many forget that we are all human beings living on this earth together. No race is better than another. No one religion is the only true religion. Underneath our conditioning, beliefs, clothes, and skin color, we are all just human beings or more aptly said, spiritual beings having a human experience. We are looking for validation, love and the freedom to live our lives. These are common threads that connect us all.

We do not have to feel threatened because someone else is different in some way because the truth is we are all different in some way or another. We choose the group that is the most aligned with our current beliefs and when we see someone a lot different we begin to judge the differences instead of seeing how alike we are. We do not see the other as a kindred soul.

If we become too focused on our group, beliefs, or way of life, we can feel threatened by anything or anyone that is too different. When our differences keep us from seeing our sameness, then we are disconnected from our True-Self and are living out our lives from our outdated beliefs, and from our conditioned or False-Self.

From this place, we may try to convert the other to be just like us, ignore them or we may try to impose our beliefs on them. When we see our ideology as the only way, our fear takes over, and that is when bad things happen. Then our only choice is force, so we engage in fighting or war.

If you look back through history, you can see multiple times where war and oppression have happened because of this and it continues today. If our leaders and politicians do not have empathy then they cannot see through the eyes of another. This can lead to horrendous problems for a country or the world. Look at the reign of Hitler, Genghis Khan or what is happening in the world today, for instance in Venezuela.

When we embrace our differences, we can explore the rich diversity of this planet. We do not have to agree on everything, besides that would be boring. And yes, there is evil in the world, but we do not have to be evil to conquer it. In fact, the opposite is true. The more we bring empathy, compassion, kindness, and love into our lives, the more the world will reflect this state. This does not make us weak, it empowers us. The first step is loving yourself. Many who commit evil acts are either conditioned by someone else to believe a certain ideology or they themselves have become lost and have no self-love. We must find our way back to self-love and then help someone else to do the same because that is the foundation for a sane society. If we cannot love ourselves then how can we be expected to love, have empathy and compassion for someone else? How can we expect to see through the eyes of another?

It all begins with you. Feel deep within, to those hurt and painful places. We all have them, stop ignoring and hiding from them. Be present with your pain as you would with your child or anyone else you love who is suffering. Stop looking for a solution. Looking for a solution means you have to hold onto your pain until you find it.  Your pain is already healed; you just cannot see this yet. There is nothing wrong with you! The love that you seek is already in you, it is who you are and all you need to do is to breathe it up from deep inside. Let it fill all those painful and empty places. Let it mend your broken and tender parts. Love always works!

This is how we transform evil: with love. We begin with ourselves and that alone will begin to transform the world. If you think that this will not be enough, that something outside ourselves has to be fixed or how could something so simple possibly work, then you are once again listening to the voice of the False-Self. Do not let it stop you from doing what you know in your heart is true. When this happens, reconnect with your heart, the love that you are, and hear the voice of the True-Self once again. Remember to be gentle with yourself, to love yourself and every other human being who lives on this planet. There is power in this truth and you will know it is true because you will begin to feel empowered by it. You have felt this feeling before. Therefore, you know that what I am saying is true for yourself and you always have known it. You do not need me to tell you, you only need to remember.