The overwhelming grief cracked me open, and my love for this person began pouring out. Then I noticed when I was ready that love began filling the cracks. I saw beauty in these cracks because they reminded me of my love for this person and our time together.
Then the love that helped me grieve began to nudge me forward. And I began living again because I fully felt my loss and faced the truth as I knew it. Their presence and body were gone, but my love for them and all the memories will never cease.
Remember, our grief is an expression of loving someone deeply. Please do not mistake it for weakness or feel ashamed of what you are experiencing and expressing. Instead, see it for what it is and feel everything you need to because doing anything less will feel incomplete.
I woke up at 5 am yesterday. Usually, when this happens, I cannot fall asleep again; I will toss and turn until I get up. However, this time I fell back asleep. I know because I had a dream with a message. Although I cannot remember the entire dream, the ending stuck with me even after waking up.
I saw this person and knew I needed to say something to them. I sensed they did not believe they could heal. I walked up to them, rested my hand on their shoulder, and said, how do you know you cannot heal? I could see them thinking and searching for an answer to my question without results.
I then said if you believe you cannot heal, your chances of healing decline. And going through the experience will be much more challenging, and you will suffer more because of this belief.
However, your odds increase if you believe you can heal. While this will not guarantee that you will heal, it puts you on a different path. And your experience on this path will be more manageable, if not all the time, most of it. But do not forget, we are all allowed to feel and experience what we need to feel and experience. No pretenses, only experiencing the truth of your journey in each moment.
Now please remember that a belief is very different from a wish. You can wish to heal and still have a belief that it is not possible. Therefore, you must look at how you think about your experience closely to confirm that it is your belief and not just a wish. Otherwise, there will be resistance to the experience, and you will suffer more.
Remember, you can never successfully resist what is happening in your life. You can undoubtedly postpone or ignore it, but that is only temporary. Life unfolds as it will. Yes, we have choices, but we must recognize that we ultimately do not control life. Whatever happens, is happening. It happens even if we do not like the experience or want to overlook it.
Remember, the random thoughts that appear are not necessarily the truth and must be examined. Ask yourself this essential and helpful question, do I know this thought is one-hundred percent true?
If you get lost in thought again, that is okay. Just bring your attention back to observing your thoughts and ask the question again. Do I know this thought to be one-hundred percent true? Repeatedly doing this will change your experience. Do not let your mind agree with me here, and move on too quickly from this point. The mind pretends to be an authority over you; however, you can and should question it. Know that you do not have to believe everything your thoughts say, that you can observe them and examine them.
So put it into practice and see for yourself what happens. Perhaps what you perceive to be your worst experience in life will someday be seen as a gift. There are several things throughout my life I could say this about; for example, my alcoholism and back injury, to name just two. Perhaps you already have something you can now see in hindsight that was not easy, and it turned out to be one of life’s greatest gifts to you.
Why do we feel it is all or nothing in our lives, this country, and worldwide? Are you aware of this behavior in yourself? Living this way always leads to disappointment and, indeed, suffering. This behavior has carried over into our politics and is one of the reasons why things are the way they are today. You think it is because of what the other person believes; it is their issue. They are wrong, and I am right. Well, that is simply not true.
Just look around; you will see this behavior everywhere. It is certainly not hidden, but it is often overlooked. Of course, it is always easier to see it in someone else, but we must see it in ourselves; otherwise, nothing will change.
We are righteous in our beliefs, and the truth in our righteousness is that our beliefs are deceiving us. It is my way or the highway, my way is right, and your way is wrong, so we must do it my way. When we have such a narrow view of an issue and the world, it only causes discord and suffering.
Peace will only come when we work together and are willing to compromise. We must take the time to see each other’s points of view, but just seeing it does not go far enough. We must understand the importance and value it holds for the one who believes it. When we discount it without examination or contemplation, we invalidate the other person’s feelings and beliefs. We have all experienced this feeling. Think about a time when someone did that to you and remember how it felt.
When we can move away from being so focused on our all-or-nothing attitudes, we can create solutions; instead of gridlock. We will suffer less and move towards peace in ourselves, this country, and the world. This may seem like a tall order, especially if we wait for the other person to do it first. You must be willing to be the first to do it. Do it for yourself, your children, and grandchildren, and do not wait for anyone else, or it will never happen. The question is, will you?
Remember, there have always been conflicting beliefs from the beginning of time. However, conflicting beliefs do not have to lead to conflict if both parties remain open to the other person’s point of view and are willing to work towards a compromise. We must leave our all-or-nothing attitudes behind and come together, work together like the pieces of a puzzle. We must come together in unity rather than falling further and further apart.
No matter how much you think you love, appreciate and respect the world we live in, you can always love, appreciate and respect it a little bit more. How do you do that? By increasing your awareness and noticing that you have an addictive nature towards consumption. By the way, we all have this addiction to varying degrees. You can see it if you look closely enough at your life. Many of you have at least one area of your life that you are already aware of but cannot change because you think you must stop completely. You may have already tried more than once.
This is a false assumption on your part. You only need to take small manageable steps toward showing your love, appreciation, and respect for Mother Earth, yourself, and the generations to come by noticing your habits and making new choices. Choices that you feel comfortable making. You do not have to sacrifice your joy for something or your life to impact the world positively.
For example, do not eat meat for one meal a week. You may not think this will help, but it will. What if one billion people chose not to eat meat for one meal a week? This would significantly impact our lives and the planet. Or perhaps you buy a water filter system like a Berkey water system instead of using bottled water all the time. You can do so many things that will not change your life that much, but that would ultimately have a massive impact if we do it together. Thinking you cannot do anything about the challenges we face, ignoring them, or believing they do not exist, solves nothing. Do not make these false assumptions because you have not taken the time to bring greater awareness into your life. Show yourself just how much love you have to give to those around you and the world.
“The progressive discovery of our own ignorance opens us up to truth and wisdom. A surefire way this ignorance can be rooted out is through self-inquiry, a deep and personal journey that few partake in because their ignorance deceives them, and they cannot see it.”
Can you spend today looking for things to appreciate? Can you do this repeatedly throughout the day? And then, when you notice that you have fallen out of this practice, can you gently bring your thoughts and attention back to doing it again?
You may notice that this is not easy and that your mind wanders. It gets distracted by thoughts that have nothing to do with appreciation. Notice what it gets drawn to, and gently bring it back to appreciation again.
Do not let your thoughts tell you there is nothing to appreciate because this is not true, no matter your circumstances. There are countless things in life; your life to appreciate if you take a moment, slow down, and notice.
Therefore, I encourage you to challenge yourself today and try it. Then perhaps you will do it again tomorrow and the next day until it becomes a way of living that brings more peace and joy into your life.
The truth is if you take yourself with all your difficulties, pain, anxiety, and suffering to the park one day, you might be surprised to see how much joy abounds there in others.
Your mind will say, but they do not have my problems. And while you listen to your mind tell you this, your anxiety increases, and you begin to suffer even more. You ask yourself, why can’t I experience joy like that? Well, you can if you stop listening to the mind as an all-knowing source.
If you only concentrate on your pain, that is all you will find. Try concentrating on what feels good. Sometimes even noticing a slight difference can change your outlook. For instance, when you are in physical pain, a slight deviation from level 10 to level 8 is a difference in the right direction, even if only temporary. However, we often overlook this difference and see things as the same even though they have changed. Once you notice these differences, you can find hope again and start moving your attention in a new direction.
Do not forget life is a contradiction. Look at any moment, and with a bit of clarity, you can see that all “states of being” exist simultaneously in this world. Even if you feel you are only experiencing part of them, that does not mean the others do not exist. You can redirect your attention toward something different at any moment in your life.
Now I am not saying that you should not feel your feelings or that you should not look at the truth of your life. You can do that and at the same time direct your attention towards that which brings you joy.
Never forget to lean into your blessings no matter how small they seem. The fact that you are alive and able to watch the sunrise and set is a wondrous gift, even if your mind says otherwise.
Have you forgotten this amid your difficulties, pain, anxiety, and suffering?
I guarantee you that no matter how much your mind tells you that you have the right to suffer or complain, you also have every right to feel joy. You do not have to believe everything your mind says to you. I can assure you that it is constantly lying about or exaggerating your circumstances. Therefore, when the pain in your body or life speaks up loudly, or some person says something that causes you frustration or anger, witness what your mind starts telling you first. Notice that it tells you how bad things are or how wrong that person is. And then, instead of taking up a conversation in agreement with it, look deeper within. Remember that you have the power to redirect your attention and begin to focus that attention on what feels good or brings you joy. Perhaps you feel that is too much at first, but I am sure that thought came from your mind and is not the truth. Find the smallest of cracks because “There is a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.” ― Leonard Cohen.
In our efforts during unforeseen or painful times to find security, peace, and comfort, we frequently move too quickly or not at all. We want things to be the way they used to be and try to resurrect our past experiences.
While resting or not moving at all may be needed for a short time, what is more common, is moving too fast. We forget to slow down, pay attention, and notice that we have changed or that our circumstances are different.
We fall into resisting what is without awareness. This happens out of habit, and we make choices based on who we used to be without taking the time to discover who we have become.
We fail to notice how things are in that moment. Instead, we reach back into our memory for something familiar. This error often leads us down the road of suffering and making choices that are not for our highest good.
Our unhappiness persists because we refuse to risk the collapse of the familiar and instead try desperately to hold onto our false ideas and beliefs. This clinging will only lead to increased suffering.
You have probably already experienced what I am talking about and recognize that you only need to surrender to the truth of the moment. This is not always easy, as you know, and yet the faster we do it, the sooner our lives shift, improve, and balance returns. Often after these experiences, we recognize that our lives are better for what we went through. Therefore, slow down, take deep breaths literally, breathe in through your nose and out of your mouth when you find yourself struggling. Rest if you need too but take the time to self-reflect. Do self-inquiry and meditation, especially when things are going well. Because the more you are connected to your true nature, the easier it is to flow through difficult times. And remember, this too shall pass. Life itself knows how to bring about balance, and suffering is mitigated if you are flowing with it rather than resisting or trying to recreate the past.
Worrying, have you been able to escape it in your life so far? Probably not. The truth is if you have thoughts, then at some point in your life, you will experience worry. Why? Because that is where it originates. It indeed affects some of us more than others, but it’s something that we all encounter in our lives.
Has your worry ever affected your sleep, eating habits, or possibly even your health? How many times have you worried about something that never happened? More times than you remember, I suspect, because that is how cunning worry and the mind can be.
When we get caught by worry without awareness, we become trapped by it in our thoughts. The mind runs wild, and our imagination offers endless possibilities, most of which never turn out to happen. They are often negative in context and offer no solution, simply speculation.
So, what can we do about worry? The first thing is to understand it. If you don’t, how will you ever stop doing it?
All worry begins with an unsolicited thought. We have unsolicited thoughts all day long. Most of them go unnoticed. However, we can get caught at any moment by one of them. Once we do, we have identified with it, and it evolves into an inner conversation that we carry on with ourselves.
A conversation like this is seldom helpful. Most of the time, it is persistent and pointless. Rarely is it the truth. These false and exaggerated thoughts seed our worry, which can evolve into anxiety and fear for many.
Therefore, it is ideal to recognize when one of these thoughts arises and not identify with it. At first, we may not recognize the individual thought(s). Instead, we get grabbed in the conversation with ourselves. Yet, we will invariably become conscious of this conversation at some point. Once noticed, we can release our worry. Of course, this may take some practice. Remember, it is not about being perfect. You only need to notice what has happened before, during, or after it occurs. This recognition will eventually lead to the end of worry if done with regularity and kindness.
Your awareness is what notices these happenings. So, it is essential to strengthen it by noticing these thoughts and happenings. Once they are seen for what they are, a lie, exaggeration, or complete fabrication, they cannot cause you to worry. So, ask yourself, “Do I know this to be 100 percent true” any time during the experience. Practice this repeatedly, and it will lead you away from worry and back to peace.
Remember to be kind to yourself when you forget. New circumstances may show you that you still have more practice to do even though you were successful in the past. Awareness can always bring you back to your natural and peaceful nature. However, your thoughts and emotions may be used by your conditioned self to pull you back into worry. So, use your awareness to notice this and free yourself once again.