Have you ever felt lonely? Many of us have been conditioned to think that we should never feel lonely and if we do, something is wrong with us. This is simply not true. Everyone at some point in their lives will feel lonely and many of us will feel this way at different times in our lives. What I would like you to know is that this is normal, it is part of the human condition and there is nothing wrong with you if you feel occasional loneliness.
Loneliness is not something you should try to avoid when it shows up in your life. In fact, you should get to know your loneliness. This is how you take the power out of it, by listening to it, learning from it and feeling it. Eventually getting to a place where in the midst of it, you know that you are OK and that what you are feeling is temporary.
Unfortunately, society often teaches us that any feelings that have a negative connotation, like loneliness, we should not have to feel or even experience. With this kind of conditioning, we often feel worse because we think that it is wrong to feel the way that we do. It should never be wrong to feel our feelings, no matter what they are; this is your truth in that moment, so be with them and stop resisting.
The idea that we should always feel happy is so ingrained in our society that even out of concern someone can make you feel worse for feeling the way that you do. We must always remember that what we are feeling is valid and that we should never be made to feel less than, because of what we are feeling.
Our first instinct is to use distractions when we feel uncomfortable. The problem with this tactic is that many of them are self-destructive. We are using our mental and emotional energy to keep up a state of resistance and avoid being with our feelings. This will perpetuate your suffering and lead you further away from healing.
Think about it, what distractions do you turn to in your uncomfortableness? Is it food, candy, alcohol, shopping, binging on TV, the computer or do you find some other way to numb these feelings?
When you find yourself absorbed in one of your distractions, stop and pay attention to what you are feeling. Then take a deep breath, be present with your feelings and begin to let them go. This is how you suffer less in your life and start to awaken.
Where did you get this idea that you should never feel lonely? In addition, do you think that you should never get angry, frustrated, worried or have any feelings that you perceive as bad? When did you first begin to think this way? Can you remember or is it perhaps an unconscious or conditioned belief, leading to automatic thoughts and behavior?
I am not presenting these questions to get you tangled up in your past or your problems. I only present them to get you to wonder and be more inquisitive about why you do what you do. Pay attention, it is the starting point to finding your way out.
Know that you do not always have to figure things out to let them go. The idea that you cannot let something go or heal without figuring it out first is a trap. Having to figure it out, means you will have to hold onto it. You will do this until you figure it out. In many cases, you will never be able to accomplish this, and that means you will be stuck with it. You need to decide what is more important, figuring it out or letting it go. If you choose letting go, trust that if you need to know something you will.
In the end, letting go is always the path to healing, eliminating suffering and awakening to your True-Self. The next time you think you need to figure something out, try the path of letting go and see what happens. You can always go back to figuring out.
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Tim Custis 