We search for experiences to make ourselves happy. But experiences come and go, don’t they? They never offer lasting happiness. We also look to push away anything that makes us unhappy, thinking this will make our lives peaceful again, never dealing with the root cause but looking to blame things outside of ourselves as the reason. We think that if we only do these things, everything in our lives will be perfect. These thoughts are illusions of the mind. But still, we think we have all the power to control what happens to us and around us. Is this the truth?
Remember that this world and life were here long before your birth and will be here long after you are gone continuing to create and flourish. On the other hand, we only have a short time to experience this life. If we always skip by the here and now, trying to avoid the unpleasant while only seeking out the pleasant, we will never be satisfied. We must look inward to feel and let go of uncomfortable things. To understand ourselves at a deeper level than we do now. Otherwise, we are not living fully; we are only surviving and will never rest in our true nature.
The overwhelming grief cracked me open, and my love for this person began pouring out. Then I noticed when I was ready that love began filling the cracks. I saw beauty in these cracks because they reminded me of my love for this person and our time together.
Then the love that helped me grieve began to nudge me forward. And I began living again because I fully felt my loss and faced the truth as I knew it. Their presence and body were gone, but my love for them and all the memories will never cease.
Remember, our grief is an expression of loving someone deeply. Please do not mistake it for weakness or feel ashamed of what you are experiencing and expressing. Instead, see it for what it is and feel everything you need to because doing anything less will feel incomplete.
Do you know that everyone suffers at some point in their life? How about those who experience suffering their entire lives. You may not always see this suffering because many people are very good at hiding it, while others do not want anyone to know they are hurting. And, of course, it is easy to miss someone else’s suffering when we are amid our own. And yes, everyone’s level of suffering is different, but that does not make their suffering any less.
We experience suffering based on the specific situation and how we have been conditioned to navigate those situations. Therefore, what might be easy for one person can be extremely difficult or even impossible for someone else.
Notice how your endless thoughts trap you in their seductive and distracting ways, and your day passes by without a thought of the world’s suffering. They can even make you forget about your suffering or amplify it to an unbearable place, even a suicidal place.
Some think they will not suffer anymore if they can only reach a certain level of awakening or enlightenment. However, is this truth or wishful thinking on their part? How can it be avoided? We are, after all, feeling human beings no matter our understanding of our spiritual life and connection. The truth is that you can mitigate your suffering with greater awareness but rest assured that no matter how spiritually aware you are, you are still living the life of a human being too. Would you not feel the loss of a family member, a friend, or a beloved pet and perhaps suffer for some time? Indeed, these are situations that we all face and often create pain for us for varying degrees of time.
Of course, there are numerous types of suffering worldwide. For example, extreme suffering can be caused by war, illness, race, and famine. Have you suffered these or something else? Are you still suffering?
Know that every minute that goes by, millions of us suffer simultaneously. Therefore, know that you are not alone in your suffering. Do not be afraid to reach out when you need to and ask for help. Please do not ignore your suffering or resist it. Learn to feel the pain as best you can in the moment. Because when you do, it opens the door to transformation and healing. Otherwise, it becomes buried in the body, possibly impacting the rest of your life in some way, and it can even influence your health.
Moving through your suffering can be very challenging and require significant effort sometimes. Initially, we may not always be able to deal with things at first, which is okay. However, eventually, we must face our difficulties, without and within, if we ever want to heal and move on. Be more aware of what you might be ignoring or resisting, and never forget that you are not alone.
Challenging times can fundamentally change us; in fact, that is what they are meant to do. The only time they do not is when we resist what is happening and fail to remain present. They support the transcendence of our current identity and open us up to new possibilities, but only if we let them.
We will suffer to the extent that we resist what is happening. However, when we see these circumstances for what they are instead of what our thoughts tell us about them, we will gain a new perspective. With this new perspective, our suffering will be diminished, end much sooner, and for some, stop instantly with this awareness.
You do not want to end up being the same person you thought you were before these events took place. Otherwise, you will become more anchored into your conditioned self, leading to more pain.
Know this truth; peace is never found by those who try to avoid life’s difficult times. Without this recognition, you will only see your troubles as unfavorable. And while there may be truth in your troubles, your experience of that truth does not have to be dictated by your thoughts about it. You can rise above them, which means everyone can, not just others who do not have YOUR problems.
Therefore, do not miss any opportunity that a challenging time might bring to you. And yes, it may be hard at first. You may even think it is impossible because you get caught in your pain and fear of the experience. In these times, we do not want to look or forget to look for the positive. We get lost in our endless thoughts, which tell us a story about our suffering, perhaps even how justified we are to remain in it.
We can feel like there is no way out, and we will always feel the way we do now. If you are alive, I presume you have already felt this way, perhaps more than once; I know I have. So based on your past experiences, is it true that you will always feel this way, or there is no way out?
Are you feeling that way right now? And if you are, have you looked for something other than suffering from your experience? Pain can ease with time, but it will rise again unless you find a way to be present with it. Therefore, do not let your fear or thoughts get in the way of you looking for something other than pain. Perhaps you will find something positive, even life-changing, from your challenging experiences, but you will never know if you do not look.
Most of us have experienced irritation for one reason or another in our life. This irritation is a clue about our unconscious programming. Remember, everything that irritates us can lead us to a better understanding of ourselves. When we watch our reactions, responses, feelings, and thoughts about other people and events, we are given an opportunity to make a shift in our field of awareness. This shift allows us to let go of our unconscious programming, which releases the behaviors that no longer serve us.
First, make a decision that this is your intention, then begin to notice each time you become irritated. Sometimes you may not see your irritation until after the fact, and that is OK. The important thing is the recognition of the irritation, not when you notice it. As you continue this practice, you will eventually feel or hear your irritation right when it happens.
Irritation will make itself known to you through your thoughts, a feeling or a sensation in your body. Once you become aware, notice or remember what was said or happened to make you irritated.
Remember this exercise is not about beating yourself up because of your behavior, you are already doing this each time you get irritated. Irritation throws your body into an uncomfortable state, changing your mood, blood pressure, heart rate, and many other physiological changes occur. This is about letting go, just notice, reset your intention to notice your next irritation and move on. Over time, you will let go of the energetic pattern (behavior), and your True Self will rise to the surface leaving you more relaxed and peaceful.
Original post 3-26-2014 edited and reposted 12-10-2018
How do you define true success in your life? Many think that their accomplishments are the sign of a successful life. We are conditioned to believe that the job we have or the money we earn determines our level of success. We are taught to think that the size of our house or the number of possessions we have, signifies success.
Have you noticed that everything that I mentioned above can be taken away at any moment? If it were, would you still consider yourself a successful person or are you now a failure?
The idea that things define our level of success is all based on our conditioning and beliefs that we developed at a very young age, and that gets passed down from generation to generation. Then we carry these beliefs throughout our entire lives without ever exploring what might lie underneath the person we have become and our beliefs. We just assume that this is who we are and that we formed these beliefs out of our own free will.
When we put too much emphasis on what we have acquired or even accomplished, we can tie our identity to them, and when we find ourselves without them, we feel lost in life. We put so much energy into finding, getting or caring for these things, that we do not know who we are without them.
A successful person knows who they really are, their very essence and that allows them to be grounded in the present moment. This requires waking up to our conditioning through awareness and then releasing it.
The conditioned self is called the False-Self. It is the person you have become through your conditioning; an artificial persona that you created to protect yourself.
The True-Self is ever-present awareness, and from this state when something or someone is lost to you, you do not become a casualty of your experience. You are still able to embrace the gift of your life fully, and all that means. You realize that each experience in your life has something to offer you, and that is for your highest good. Even in those times when you do not like it, or it hurts.
Without a keener sense of awareness, you are destined to continue repeating your conditioned behaviors until you die. Without ever knowing true success in this life and what living life to the fullest feels like. You will be fooled by your False-Self into thinking that what you are experiencing now in your life is all it has to offer. This erroneous thinking will keep stuck in a repetitive loop, a sort of sleepwalking, and you will never be able to see true success or enjoy the experience of it.
Many things in life keep us stuck and from moving forward in the way that we want. The unconscious resistance we experience is caused by a very long list of things that partially includes our thoughts, beliefs, perceptions, and feelings.
It is not a question whether you have resistance in your life or not, but how strongly it affects you. Becoming aware of your resistance is the first step, and that only happens through awareness and paying attention.
Here are four feelings that tell us something important about ourselves and show us that we are resisting life in some way. They are anger, boredom, hate, and frustration.
First, they say that we are not taking responsibility for what we are feeling.
Second, we are not paying attention to our own inner state.
Third, that we are placing blame on something or someone else. Therefore, the problem is out there.
Fourth, it shows that we are no longer in the present moment and not paying attention because we are lost in emotion and/or thought.
When we point to anyone or anything outside of ourselves, or when we try to explain something away, we are lost. The thoughts we have tell us that we are not responsible for what we are feeling. In those moments, we are not capable of seeing the truth, and we are no longer in the present moment because we are too busy placing blame elsewhere to try to make ourselves feel justified or better. There is a reason why I am feeling this way, so I do not need to look any further.
There is always a moment of clarity if we are paying attention that will offer us an opportunity. If we seize the opportunity, we can recognize the problem resides in us and nowhere else. A simple way to know this is true is to see that someone else in the same situation will respond appropriately and without feeling out of balance.
Now, I know it is not an easy task, to pay attention during these situations, but anyone can do it if they want. Know that it may take repeated practice. However, if you have a clear intention to let go of who you have become the Universe will offer plenty of practice time, I promise. Moreover, with practice, one day you will surprise yourself with how far you have come. For most of us waking up is not an event but a journey. You must remain diligent.
The next time you get frustrated, angry or upset with another person for his or her actions or words, remember that we are all doing the best we can in every moment; this is a fact.
Remembering this fact is not always easy to do because we will react to our thoughts, which are influenced by our conditioning. Past conditioning can cause our response to be inappropriate or disproportionate to what is happening. Our thoughts will tell us that it is the other person’s fault that we feel this way, but in truth, no one’s action or words alone have the power to upset us. We do that all on our own.
Think back to a time when your response to what someone did or said was inappropriate, or you overreacted. Also, notice if your reply was out of character or went against how you see yourself. Noticing this will allow you to see that there is more going on here than just what the other person did. You are witnessing your conditioning in action.
It was your thoughts and perceptions about the person’s words or actions, which evolved from your conditioning that generated your response. These misleading thoughts will make it difficult for you to respond appropriately until you let go of your conditioning.
You cannot think your way into reconnecting with your True-Self, you need to let go of who you have become for this to happen, to do that you have to become aware of your conditioning. How do you become aware of your conditioning? By paying more attention to your thoughts and the actions that arise out of those thoughts.
The next time a loved one, friend or co-worker is treating you in a way that makes you feel irritated, see if you can notice what you are thinking. In the beginning, you may not be able to hear your thoughts or notice your behavior until after the fact; know that this is okay. By paying more attention to your thoughts during or even after the event, you will begin to see your conditioning.
Know that every person who acts poorly towards you is suffering in some way. With this new understanding, release your suffering and conditioning, by being compassionate towards them. Use your personal experience to draw from; can you remember a time when you were angry or rude to someone? Don’t you wish that you had received compassion and love and not their displeasure with your behavior?
Remember the past is only a predictor of the future when we are not paying attention and then taking action from what we learn. Pay attention to your thoughts and actions. Release your conditioning and reconnect with your True-Self, this is our highest calling, because when we change from within the world outside us will also change.
As long as you hold onto the thought(s) that is holding you back it does not matter what you do to change your behavior, you will always find another way of reverting back to that same behavior. The only way to stop the behavior is to let go of the thought and to do that, you must become aware of it.
How do you become aware of it? By gently by paying attention to your thoughts. This is not always easy because the very thoughts you are paying attention to will distract you from your intention. When this happens, you simply bring yourself back to the moment and start watching your thoughts again.
Tim Custis 